Term+3+Focus+-+Writing

** Term 3 Focus ** **WALT explain... **

To explain is…
 * Give the audience a better idea of what’s going on
 * Break things down so it’s easier to understand – giving more detail
 * To let people know how something is/was done or has happened
 * Giving reasons for something - justification
 * A description of something
 * Sharing a meaning of something
 * To teach about something
 * Share directions
 * Reporting on something
 * Arguing – justification

 ** Our Success Criteria... **

// Audience/Purpose: // // Language Features: // // Structure: // // Content/Ideas: // // Surface Features: // We will be assessing our writing using our new progress indicator sheet: 
 * PLAN YOUR WRITING
 * Vocabulary matches audience.
 * Make it interesting: description, language features (for description/detail), humour
 * Use specific vocabulary (to do with the topic)
 * Time-relationship words e.g. firstly, finally, after, then
 * Cause-effect words e.g. then, if, because
 * Use similes, metaphors to help describe.
 * Starts with introduction, paragraphs with 1 main idea & a conclusion/summary
 * Use different sentence starters
 * Use present tense (most of the time)
 * Use different sentence lengths
 * One main idea per paragraph
 * Main ideas link to the same topic
 * Paragraphs have specific detail and examples
 * Use capitals, fullstops, commas, semi-colons, colons, apostrophes, dashes, exclamation marks & question marks correctly.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #800080; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; font-size: 210%;"> **<span style="display: inline !important;">Our modelled example of WALT explain: ** Class Topic = Something about the snow! My topic: Snow is scary!My ideas:

> <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #ff0000; display: block; font-size: 200%; text-align: left;">Snow is Scary! //Introduction:// Snow is scary! Why? Well, there are many reasons. For on, snow (especially when it hardens to ice) makes me clumsy. Also, driving in the snow is dangerous and snow gives me the 3D effect which really freaks me out. All of this combines to make snow seem very treacherous for me, and while it may look beautiful, it's a major hazard that makes things scary! //Main Idea 1:// I'll admit, I'm a clumsy person as it is. Combine natural clumsiness with slippery wet snow and hardened ice on the ground and I'm an accident waiting to happen. The other day when it snowed in Palmerston North, like all Palmerstonians, I was desperate to get out and see the snow and take some photos of how beautiful it looked. Of course, I didn't think about the snow that was forming on my balcony as I walked out the double sliding doors! Next minute I'm feeling my feet slide from under me and my bum firmly hitting the ground! The snow hadn't even hardened to ice yet... but I still managed to slip because it was wet. //Main Idea 2://  Snow is also scary because it makes driving dangerous. I have to travel twenty minutes to get to school and twenty minutes home again. In snow storms or "flurries" as they were referred to, it's similar to driving in heavy rain. The skies are dark and grey, and the falling precipitation makes visibility terrible. Alongside this, as the snow hardens on the road in the cold weather, it forms ice. Some of these ice can be clearly visible, and avoided if you're careful but some times, black ice is formed. You can't see it but the hazard is the same and next minute your car could be slipping and sliding around, just like me on my butt on the balcony! So, the other day when it snowed in Palmerston North, I was driving home at five o'clock at night, with very dark skies, heavy snowfall and overall cold and terrible weather. Visibility was absolutely terrible as the snow hit my windscreen. Luckily, however, Palmerstonians are so unaccustomed to driving in snow, that everyone was driving with extreme care. Main Idea 3:  Snow is freaky because it gives the 3D effect. What is the 3D effect? Well, have you ever been to a 3D movie? In a 3D movie, everything that is happening seems like it's happening right in front of you. In fact, they often suddenly have things flying towards you. Most people think that is awesome. I don't. It freaks me out. I feel like I need to dodge everything. Now, think about that when it's snowing. The snow is so unusual for me, that I feel like it's flying at me and I want to dodge it. I've already said I'm clumsy, so that makes dodging things when I'm out in the snow very hazardous. But, imagine when I'm driving. Snow is flying towards the window screen and I feel the need to dodge it. And, I'm terrible at dodgem car racing and it's quite dangerous to start playing dodgems on the road.
 * 1)  I'm clumsy in snow... (even without snow (e.g. slipped while walking across the road - no puddles, no cracks/bumps or snow - just slipped (and had flat shoes)) and snow makes it worse!): Snow often hardens to ice on the ground - ice is slippery - I fall over easily - it hurts e.g. fell off my deck this morning.
 * 2)  Driving is dangerous... (I have to drive 20 minutes to get to school/home) and snow/ice makes driving dangerous. Snow when in a storm/flurry makes it difficult to see - skies get quite dark or if it's stopped snowing but snow's around it can get quite gleary; often the snow hardens as it gets colder and turns to ice. Some ice can't be seen (black ice) and car wheels slide on this and accidents happen.
 * 3)  It gives me the 3D effect which makes me freak out! (3D effect when it looks like stuff is flying at me, makes me freak out a bit - I try to dodge it. So when driving - keep wanting to dodge, when walking - keep wanting to dodge - add this to clumsiness and it's not good.).

The structure of a general explanation is...

**<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #800080; font-family: 'Lucida Console',Monaco,monospace; font-size: 200%;">Some exemplars for explanations for us to analyse... ** ** How were Mummies made? **
 * 1) <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 140%; line-height: 22px;">Introduction: Introduce what the topic is and your main ideas
 * 2) <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 140%;">Main Idea 1: Describe your first main idea your are explaining with extra detail and examples to help your explanation.
 * 3) <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 140%;">Main Idea 2: same as above
 * 4) <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 140%;">Main Idea 3: same as above
 * 5) <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 140%;">Main Idea 4: same as above (if you have one)
 * 6) <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 140%;">Conclusion/Summary

<range type="comment" id="781446">The Egyptians believed that there was an after life after death and they thought you needed your body to go. So they mummified the body.

<range type="comment" id="649670">Firstly the body was placed on a table and got the embalmer to cut a sit in either side of the body. Which was to take out the internanal organs such as stomach, liver intestines and brain which was removed by a large steel hook through the nose. These were removed because they hold mostire which causes rotting. But the heart was left in because they thought it controlled the body.

<range type="comment" id="15293">Once the body was empty Linen was put in to cover the inside of the body to suck up all of the mostire. Now they coverd the body with salt called natron and left for forty days to dry. Next the linen was removed ane the body was filled with sand sawdust and spices. So the body would keep its shape.

<range type="comment" id="864450">Now the wrapping started which required up to 140m of linen. First the neck and head were wrapped with thin strips of linen. Then the fingers and toes. Next the main body parts were wrapped. Amulets were placed between the wrapping to ward of evil.

<range type="comment" id="849994">Once the body was fully wrapped they put the book of spells in the dead persons hands. Whitch was because they thought he would need it in the after life.

Last the body was placed in a tomb to rest till it was ready for the afterlife.

Mummificasion was a very expensive process so only the wealthy could have it done.

** What Happens When You Are Asleep? ** Firstly some people may grind their teeth, suck their thumbs, sleep walk, sleep talk, snore, and pedal their legs. It’s all very embarrassing but you don’t have to worry because it’s all part of life and every one does one or two of them. They will grow out of it.

Secondly your body slows down, your mouth stops making saliva, your heart beats slower, and your breathing slows downs.

As well as that when you sleep you can hear what is going on around you. You would be able to hear the alarm clock or, if you’re like my mother, a baby crying. If you hear anything unusual you would instantly wake up.

Finally while you are sleeping you also dream. Dreaming is when your have a long vision in your head while you are asleep. Nobody knows what their dreams mean. Some people sit with tape recorders and notebooks on their bedside tables. I don’t think our dreams mean anything. They are just there to keep us busy while we are asleep. This is what happens when we are asleep.

** Rescuing the Temples At Abu Simbel **

In the twentieth century, the population in Egypt has expanded rapidly, so dams had to be made on the River Nile to cope with the growing demand for water and electricity. The Aswan High Dam (actually called Sudd el Ali) was constructed between Cairo and Abu Simbel but it dramatically increased flood danger potential. The temples at Abu Simbel were going to be flooded.

Bewteen 1960 and 1970 the operation began. The United Nations Educational and Cultural Organisation (UNESCO) helped in providing scientists, architects and basic manpower and machinery to aid in saving the monuments. It was decided to move them.

A survey from ground and air was conducted over the temples and surrounding terrain. The relics inside the temples were removed and their positions marked. An entire map of the inside and outside created for each <range type="comment" id="523309">temple.

The cliff rock above the temple had to be removed so bulldozers were employed. Scaffolding was put in the innter rooms to prevent parts of the temple from collapsing. Then then covered and filled each temple with sand for protection. Saws fitted with special teeth designed to keep them from wearing down were found the most ideal tool for cutting the temples up. They were cut into blocks weighing up to 30 tons, then transported to their new <range type="comment" id="721142">home.

Finally, the process was reversed and the templers were re-erected. Concrete domes were created over each temple to make them seem to still be in a cliff setting. The temples had been saved.

** 24.8.11 - WALT infer **  ** The Tape Dispenser **

To use a tape dispenser is unbelievably easy. It is a wonderfu l and simple mechanism that holds a roll of tape and dispense it in quantities of your liking.

The contraption is built up of various parts that make it serviceable. Some of the main parts are the jagged metal razor, the plastic body of the dispenser, and the plastic axle in the middle of the body. There is also the foamy grip pad underneath the tape dispenser, which prevents it from sliding and scratching the surface it has been placed on. Some tape dispensers also have sand in the plastic body at the bottom to help weigh it down so it will not slide.

The dispenser is a simple gadget to use. Firstly, the end of the tape should already be stretched onto the razor teeth, so take hold of the tape and tug it gently towards you until it is the length that you require. Be careful not to pull it too hard so you end up with too much tape, and try to avoid cutting your fingers on the metal teeth. Next, pull the tape against the razor in a swift, downwards motion , hence cutting the measure of tape in a straight line. As a result, you can now cut approximate lengths of tape for your work.

As you may or may not already know, a tape dispenser isn’t dependent on electricity or batteries, so it can work anytime, day or night. They are used worldwide in offices, shops, schools, homes, and companies and serve themselves as a reliable working equipment. They’re cheap and can be used to stick objects together, wrap a present, hold a piece of paper or an item to a surface, or even hold items down.

As the world leaps farther into the technology and science of the future, clever effective equipment such as a tape dispenser will surely stay the simple ingenious tool it has been for many more generations.

** Why cockroaches are weird! **

The cockroach is a weird critter. You see – actually you don’t see grass hoppers or crickets running and jumping around with no head for a week. You don’t even see the old drop-tail lizard, eating plant or glue. If you thought beagles (the dogs) had a good sense of smell – cop this – the male cockroach, can smell their female friend from miles, and miles, and miles away… weird huh.

Have you ever squashed a cockroach? Have you ever notice the white, squishy stuff? Well, that white, squishy stuff is it’s fat. The fat gives the cockroach the evergy it needs when it has no food, for the cockroach can live without for a month, and without water for a week. Imagine that! Us humans can’t last without food for approximately 40 days, and without water, at the most, 3 days. Actually any more than that then we would die… or snap.

Most beings have a brain, in fact all beings have a brain, but not many have one near their stomach. I’ve heard of dogs playing poker and, I thought that was weird, but this is really weird!

If you want weird I’ll give you weird. A cockroach round about this big [3 centimetres] or a bit bigger lived before and through, the dinosaurs whom are, millions, and millions, and millions times bigger. Scientists believe that cockroaches could survive an atomic bomb… Freaky. I wouldn’t be surprised if they lived forever.

Now – we all like to taste hamburgers, with our slippy, sloppy tongues, but the cockroach likes to taste their weird food with their antennae and chew with their six, yes six, jaws. As a matter of fact, they don’t even have tongues. I don’t know about you but there is a bucket outside I need to be sick in. EEK!

Lets take our minds off things and breathe in the beautiful fresh air – with out lungs of course, something cockroaches don’t have. That’s right, cockroaches don’t have lungs; they have tubes on the sides of their body. This stuff has really got to me.

In conclusion, I think cockroaches are freaky in fact more freaky than weird. Speaking from someone who know weird, cockroaches are the second weirdest living thing. **5 September 2011 - WALT explain...** Choose a phenomenon, person or object to explain.
 * 1) Write a quick explanation about what you know about that phenomenon, person or object - without any research.
 * 2) Come up with some keywords and key questions to research about your phenomenon, person or object.
 * 3) Collect your research information using your keywords & key questions/
 * 4) Organise your research info into different main ideas (categories)
 * 5) Complete your plan for a formal factual explanation about your phenomenon, person or object.
 * 6) Begin writing your formal factual explanation: start with introduction, then paragraphs with one main idea & supporting detail and then your conclusion.
 * 7) Craft & proofread your formal explanation.
 * 8) Now create a descriptive narrative explanation about your phenomenon, person or object - like a legend. Start with your plan: orientation, initiating event, problem, resolution & the moral of the story (if there is one).
 * 9) Write your descriptive narrative explanation using the appropriate structure focus on: descriptive language, use of language features and linking your ideas so they make sense.
 * 10) Craft & proofread your legend.
 * 11) Publish all 3 versions of your explanations about your phenomenon, person or object.

**My Object: The Kakapo**

**6 September 2011 - My plan from my research...**

7 September 2011 - WALT analyse & evaluate //Comparing & contrasting our information about the kiwi and kakapo from the factual explanations we have read this week...// 7 September 2011 - WALT explain

My learning goal is: specific verbs, adjectives and adverbs

** The Kakapo ** **//Introduction...//** ** The kakapo is a native New Zealand bird. It is from the parrot family and is the largest parrot in the world. Unfortunately, this beautiful parrot is endangered and there are only 131 left in the world. This is because of its unique appearance, habitat, eating and mating habits. The kakapo is so unique it is not only largest parrot in the world, it is the only nocturnal parrot and the only flightless parrot in the world. **  8 September 2011 - WALT explain   My learning goal is: to use specific verbs, adjectives and adverbs. **//Main Idea 1: What is a Kakapo?//** **The kakapo is a giant parrot, in fact, it is the largest parrot in the world. It's coat of feathers is a mossy-green colour and has very soft feathers like silk. Unlike other parrots, the kakapo is flightless. This is because its body is so large and its wings are too small to carry its weight. Instead of flying, it uses its strong legs and its large beak to climb. Its wings help it to balance as it negotiates its way up tall trees.**  ﻿   **13 September 2011 - Reading - WALT analyse & evaluate** www.kcc.org.nz/fantail www.kcc.org.nz/kokako ** 27 September 2011: WALT Explain ** ** Turning our explanations into a legend... ** **What is special about the kakapo/important about it?** **Flightless, nocturnal, largest parrot in the world, it booms**
 * **He was the largest most beautiful parrot and he soared through the air with large beautifully coloured wings.**
 * **Maybe a friend was in need one day and he didn't help him because he was too busy flying and showing off.**
 * **Maybe he was very kind and one day saw a friend in need and when he went to help him, he lost his wings**
 * **The sun might have gotten angry or jealous of his bright coloured feathers and so it scorched his wings**


 * //He helps a friend in need and loses his wings...//**


 * His friend was the tuatara and one day when it was beginning to rain, kakapo was up above the clouds soaring in the sunshine when he heard his friend tuatara call for help because he was stuck in a puddle that was filling with water on the ground - his foot was stuck and he couldn't get out
 * Kakapo flew down to help him.
 * Kakapo reaches tuatara and tries to help pull him out but the puddle is so thick and muddy that his kakapo's fine feathers get bogged down in the mud. He pulls and pulls and starts to feel them tear. Both he and tuatara are stuck and the storm has become so loud that no one seems to hear them.
 * Kakapo uses all his might and creates a deep boom in his big parrot chest and finally the kea heard him kakapo and came flying to help. Kea had strong legs and a strong sharp beak - he had to cut away at kakapo's feathers to free him and then pulled him out. Together they pulled tuatara to safety.
 * So they had been saved but poor kakapo had lost his wings and in embarassment, decided to only come out at night. The positive thing - he had the loudest call in the forest so he could still ask all his friends to visit.

** 29 September 2011: WALT explain... ** ** Focus: Legends ** ** My learning goal is: to use similes and metaphors to describe ** ** What is a simile? ** **//A simile compares something to something else using the words "like" or "as"//**   **//An example is: "Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're going to get"//** **//A metaphor compares something directly.//****//An example is: The waves bit at the girl's knees.//** See this link for some quizzes on similes & metaphors: []
 * Title: How Kakapo Lost His Beautiful Wings**
 * Orientation: Introduce Kakapo - beautiful wings, colours, soars high in the air, largest parrot, friendly. Setting: New Zealand forest.**
 * Initiating Event: Starts to rain - kakapo is high above the clouds and hears tuatara who is stuck in a puddle.**
 * Problem: Kakapo gets stuck in the boggy mud and so they are both stuck.**
 * Clues**
 * Resolution: Kakapo creates a loud boom so someone can hear them and help them. Kea comes to help and frees them but kakapo wings are gone, he doesn't want to come out in the sun anymore and he has a loud boom.**
 * What is a metaphor? **

**//Our examples...//**


 * ** Similes ** || ** Metaphors ** ||
 * * The dog was as hungry as a lion
 * My dad is as strong as an elephant.
 * My mum is as fast as a cheetah.
 * I'm as sneaky as a fox.
 * My dad is scared like a chicken. || * The dog is a hungry lion.
 * My dad is a strong elephant.
 * My mum is a fast cheetah.
 * I'm a sneaky fox.
 * My dad is a chicken. ||

**Using my plan to begin my writing...** A long time ago, just after the times of dinosaurs, when men were gods and animals talked, there lived Kakapo. Kakapo was a parrot, the largest in the world. He had beautifully coloured wings and feathers like a peacock's tail is today. Kakapo used his amazing wings to soar high in the air like an eagle. His wings were large and strong but his feathers were delicate like rose petals. Kakapo was a friendly and kind parrot who lived in the high trees of the New Zealand forest. **5 October 2011: Today's focus - Writing the initiating event and the problem...** //**Initiating Event...**// One day, Kakapo was out enjoying flying high in the air. He was so high, he was above the bank of clouds that were raining on those below. Kakapo was having fun: diving and swooping as he baked in the warm sun until, suddenly he realised he could hear someone calling from way down below. It sounded like his friend, Tuatara. In fact, it sounded like his friend, Tuatara, screeching as if the world was ending or he was being burnt alive. Kakapo soared quickly down below the clouds. It was raining and the skies below were grey so Kakapo had to search to find where Tuatara was. Finally, he spotted a familiar shade of green on the forest floor below. Kakapo raced to his side with the speed of an ostrich. Tuatara was stuck. His foot had become caught in a puddle which was filling up with the water fast. If Tuatara didn't get out soon, he would surely drown.
 * Today's focus: Writing the orientation**

As Kakapo was trying to find something to pull Tuatara out, he slipped in the mud and fell forward into the puddle - he put his beautiful wings out to break his fall and with his soft, baby-fine feathers they quickly became stuck in the boggy mess. His wings were strong so he tried to pull them out, but it was no use: the cotton-wool feathers just absorbed the moisture and became wetter and floppy so that he couldn't move them at all. Now Kakapo was stuck too.
 * //Problem...//**